


Sketches

by RioRiley



Series: Sketches [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Art, Art School, Badass Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cancer, F/M, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RioRiley/pseuds/RioRiley
Summary: Rey is a college art student, and Ben Solo is the model for her figure drawing class. She and Ben form a relationship, and then, Ben gets sick. But, Rey keeps sketching him, throughout his journey with cancer.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Sketches [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670296
Comments: 41
Kudos: 192





	1. The Beginning

It's 2:25 pm on a Friday, as Rey grabs her art supplies and heads out of her apartment, riding the elevator the three levels to the ground, before she gets into the front lobby, turning left and out the glass doors to the street facing her school's campus. She walks across the road, it's never that busy, and most of the time she doesn't even have to wait before she crosses the street. That, and she's heard this concept that if she happens to be hit by a car in the school crossing walk, her tuition is paid for, so one hundred percent of the time, if she's at the crosswalk, she just starts walking, in part hoping that will be the time she can be hit and her dues can be paid with minimal effort. But even walking across the crosswalk haphazardly four or five times a day for a semester, she'd never even come close to being hit by a car. 

She isn't hit by a car on this day either. 

Which is unfortunate considering the excessive dollar amount piling up on her student loans. 

She walks through the campus as the snow begins to fall from the sky, it's not particularly cold outside, but maybe she's just starting to really acclimate to winter weather. She continues down the diagonal sidewalk, past the large pine trees, taking in a deep breath of the chilled air as she opens the big glass doors that contain the absolute magic that goes in in the art building. It's a special feeling in their. Art, Rey thinks, is the closest that humankind gets to magic.

She walks down the hallway past the various classes in session, Photography, Animation, Sculpture, Art History, Printmaking, Painting, and turns to the right as she comes upon the figure drawing studio. It's the first real day of class. The class is only held once a week, on Fridays. The previous day being used to go over the class syllabus, and the rules that come with a nude figure drawing class, such as "thou shalt not take pictures of the nude models", which is like a commandment among art majors. She opens the door, to find her professor sitting talking to a man in a black bath robe, their model for the next several weeks. The man, is absolutely exquisite from an artists perspective. Rey is certain she has seen him before, and that he might sit near her in her English class.

He has incredible bone structure. Broad shoulders, a chiseled jawline, and defined muscles. His ears, are a little wonky, but no one can be completely perfect, aside from the people the great artists like Leonardo Davinci and Michelangelo apparently had access to back then. Rey thinks this particular model comes close to those back then. Surely, Michelangelo himself would have been enamored with the opportunity to base a piece of art on someone like this.

Once her classmates have all taken their seats on the horses, which are wooden benches that you straddle with your legs balancing your drawing board at the front, the professor, who insists on being called Luke, rather than being called Professor Skywalker, greets the class, and gives a brief speech about being professional and mature in the classroom, before he allows the model to introduce himself. 

His name is Ben Solo, he's a history major, looking to go into education, who has never done any modeling work previously. 

Luke instructs him how he will position himself, for the hour long class, and then Ben removes his robe, and sits, leaning back on his left arm, with one leg extended, and the other propped up. From this angle, Rey can see his private areas, aside from his left butt cheek, but based on the expression of the girl sitting directly across her, it must be quite a sight to behold. Rey gets out her sketchbook and pencils, and starts blocking in his figure.

She starts with the basic shapes, making sure she has the appropriate proportions, and doing her best to block in all the important details before focusing on shading. 

Before long, the class is given a five minute break. Ben puts on his robe, and stands, stretching and grabbing a drink from his metal water bottle. He walks around, observing the drawings of himself, laughing near silently at a few with unintentionally obscure proportions. Once he's gotten to Reys, she observes as he looks at it longer than the other pieces and then walks up to her, nodding once.

"You're very talented." Ben says stoically. Rey looks up at him, looks in his eyes and smiles.

"Thank you." She says in a tone of near reverence.

Ben comes the following week, and again after that for a third week. Rey enjoys drawing him. She loves drawing in general. She loves gently rubbing her pencils and pens across the paper, almost tickling them with it, she loves knowing where to do what, and operating so much on instinct with her art. She loves watching the pieces come together. She loves drawing people and being able to get in the small details that make it them. 

"Would you be willing to go out to dinner with me this evening?" Ben asks Rey politely after the figure drawing class. Rey smiles.

"I'd love to go on a date with you." She smiles. 

There aren't a lot of restaurants in their small college town. And of those few would be socially acceptable for a place to go on a first date but because of the lack of options, standards have to be adjusted. 

Rey spends a fair amount of time planning what on earth she will wear on their date. She and her roommate scour her closet, looking at different options and combinations before her roommate walks over to her own closet, and pulls out a tight grey sweater dress. Rey slides it on, the tight dress not too revealing but complimenting her figure, she grabs a denim jacket and puts on a pair of checkered Vans, before heading out of her dorm building, meeting Ben in his small beat down car. He gets out as she crosses the street, meeting her at the passenger side door, opening it for her.

He's wearing a tight pair of ripped skinny jeans, with black leather ankle boots, and a black turtleneck sweater. He has glasses on. Normally he wears contacts. 

He gets into his side of the car, sitting down and looking over at her, smiling.

"You are beautiful." He says with a pleasant face.

"Thank you." Rey says, blushing a bit.

"So, I figure at this point in most dates im supposed to like ask you what food you're in the mood for, but I feel like it's more pleasant to have a plan, so im going to take you to my favorite restaurant if that's okay." Ben says quickly, nervously.

"That sounds great. May I ask where?" Rey says politely.

"Yes you may." Ben laughs. Rey laughs too.

"Okay, where are we going?" She asks with a smile.

"It's this little Italian pizza place on Main Street, their pasta is to die for." Ben says with a smile as he pulls onto the road.

They pull up to Lando's Pizza and Pasta, Ben parks the car and Rey opens her own door to the car, but Ben hold open the door to the restaurant. He leads them to a well lit table in the back of the restaurant, and pulls out her chair. 

The next several hours are spent talking, and getting to know one another. Rey tells Ben she was adopted. She doesn't know who her parents are, and has always been in state custody jumping from foster home to foster home. She loves art, and is studying to go into animation. 

Ben explains that he's always been close to his father, but less close to his mother. That he loves history, and learning about the past. He tells her about his favorite President, Kennedy, and about his plans to become a high school history teacher. Rey jokes that high school kids give teachers a lot of attitude, and Ben smiles and insists he would give it right back.

They both order Pasta, at Ben's recommendation. He gets a lasagna combo, and she gets fettuccine Alfredo. Things are going absolutely perfect. Ben leads Rey out of the Restaurant once the restaurant has long past closed and the waitress kicks them out, and leads her back to his car. 

"I had a lot of fun tonight Rey." Ben says smiling sweetly at her. He touches her hand gently, and she grabs his, holding it in her own.

"I enjoy spending time with you, and I'd love to do this again." Rey says confidently.

"Can I have your phone number?" Ben asks, as he drops her off at her apartment. Rey nods and gives it to him.

Ten minutes later, after Rey has gotten inside her dorm, and removed her bra before plopping into her bed, Rey's phone starts to ring an unknown number.

"Hello?" She asks cautiously as she answers the phone.

"Hey! This is Ben. I know common protocol is to wait a few days before calling but I couldn't resist." Ben says with a smile, that Rey can't see but knows is there on her accord.

Rey smiles, blushing as Rose, her roommate starts laughing at her before leaving their room. And whispering to her to have a good time.

They talk on the phone until two in the morning.

It's the following Monday, in English class, when shit hits the fan. Before class things had been going great. Ben and Rey had met up before class at the campus ice cream parlour, laughing and giggling as they shared their ice creams. They had walked with one another back to their english class, and before getting to the doors of the Humanities building, Ben pulled Rey behind one of the Campus Directory signs, and stroked her face before kissing her. They ended up being late to class, but came in together, hands still entangled.

They walk in as the professor, a skinny elderly woman named Professor Holdo, is discussing the concept of emotional rhetoric, and how it's used in literature in order to inflict emotions upon the reader. She's talking about the usefulness of telling stories in an introductory paragraph of an essay, when Ben starts coughing. It's a scary, wet and rough cough. Rey's hand instinctively goes to his back, resting it there trying to comfort him as his body shakes with each hack. He moves his fist away from his face, and collects his things, leaving the class abruptly without any explanation.

After class, Rey tries calling him, but he doesn't answer the call. Instead he texts her, saying he cant talk, and that he will call her the following day.

He doesn't call.

Or even show up to their English class.

Or the figure class that week. In fact, there's a new model in the figure class, a young woman, who Luke introduces after explaining that Ben had something come up. Luke lets it slip that Ben could use positive vibes and prayers. And that forms a deep pit in the depths of Rey's stomach. 

She can't focus during the class and barely finishes blocking in the woman's figure by the time the class has ended. Once it does, and Luke tells them they are free to leave, Rey grabs her things, and heads towards her apartment, dialing Ben's number as she gets into the elevator. 

"Hey. Rey i meant to call you, a lot has been-" Ben starts before Rey interrupts him.

"Why didn't you contact me? I thought we might have had something but you completely ghosted me and didn't even show up for classes? You can go ahead and ghost me. I don't care. But don't put your education in peril on my behalf." Rey says quickly, angrily.

"Rey, you have every right to be mad. Just give me a minute to explain." Ben says with a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" Rey asks quietly. Ben takes in another deep breath.

"Are you busy right now?" Ben asks.

"That didn't answer my question." Rey says impatiently.

"I promise ill answer it. It's just something that's better to talk about in person." Ben says softly. Rey can tell he's emotional. 

"Yeah. I'll be out in front of my apartment in ten minutes." Rey says quietly. She's wearing a pair of sweatpants and a loose fitted t shirt, and she doesn't care enough to change her outfit for Ben at this point.

She opens the door to his car, and sits down on the passenger seat with a thud. She looks over at Ben. He's wearing a black Vans sweatshirt, and basketball shorts. He looks more tired than amy college kid that Rey has ever seen. Ben drives them into a parking lot, and parks the car, leaving it running so that they don't get cold.

"Are you okay?" Rey asks again. Ben's face is full of worry and fear of judgement.

He shakes his head. Rey can see the tears starting to well up in his eyes and considers hugging him, but she doesn't want to interrupt whatever it is that he needs to say. Instead she puts her hand on his broad shoulders and all the anger she had over him ignoring her melts away.

"Ben what's going on?" Rey prompts.

"Do you remember the other week, after we kissed before English, when i got up and left?" He asks slowly. Rey nods. "I was coughing up blood. I ran into the bathroom at my dorm and started vomiting blood everywhere, and my roommate drove me to the Emergency Room as fast as he could.." Ben says, trailing off as he starts to cry. "Rey I have cancer."

"You what?" Rey asks.

"I have a rare form of stomach cancer." Ben states matter of fact. "There are tumors all over the lining of my stomach."

And suddenly Rey feels like a real asshole for ever being the slightest bit mad at Ben.

"Are you going to be okay?" Rey asks quietly, defeated.

"Yeah. My doctors think I have pretty good chances as long as I respond well to the treatments they want to put me on." Ben says softly.

"Are you still planning on going to school?" Rey asks quietly. Ben nods.

"Yeah. I want to try and keep as many things normal as I can." Ben says solemnly.

"What can I do to help you?" Rey asks.

"Rey… I don't expect you to want to stick around. It's not your responsibility. Things are going to get ugly. Hell, i'm going to get ugly." Ben says with a forced laugh.

"Do your parents know?" Rey asks cautiously.

Ben nods his head. "They told me I was on my own. Which i didn't expect. But i guess in their eyes me moving out and away to college means we no longer need to have contact." Ben says sadly.

"So what's your plan?" Rey asks.

"I have Chemo every Friday, which is why I resigned my position in the figure drawing class." Ben says quietly. "I'm going to fight it Rey, and i'm going to win the battle, and i hope that if youre still available when I am well, that you'd consider dating me then." Ben says quietly.

"Ben, im not letting you do this alone." Rey says softly. She leans over and grabs his hand, holding it tight. "I get to decide my life and im not about to choose to leave you now."

Ben nods, his chin quivering, as he starts to sob. "I'm so scared."

"That's okay." Rey insists. "It's okay to be scared Ben." She grabs him, pulling him into her chest, holding him as he shakes.

Rey walks into Luke's office the next morning, as soon as his schedule says he has a free block. She sits down at the chair without asking if she can even come in.

"Hello Rey." Lule says quietly.

"Luke I need to ask you a favor." Rey says quietly Luke nods. "I've started dating Ben Solo." Luke nods his head, not at all surprised. He had seen their chemistry. "He's really sick, as im sure you know."

"I had heard. It's very unfortunate." Luke says solemnly.

"He's alone. His family has abandoned him." Rey starts. "And I can't let him fight this alone. I need you to sign my withdrawal form so that i can drop your class so that i can take Ben to his treatments." Reys says quickly and nervously.

"Rey… I think we can work something out. You need this class's credit to graduate with a degree in animation." Luke says quietly. "If you draw him, whenever you're around Him and show me the sketches then I'll give you the credit." Luke says quietly.

Rey nods, and shakes his hand before leaving.

That night she drives Ben to the hospital, where his doctors surgically implant a port into his skin, just above his left nipple. When he gets out of surgery, Ben insists that it doesn't hurt. Rey knows that isn't true.

"Are you nervous?" Rey asks Ben after their Thursday night English class that week. It's the night before he starts chemotherapy.

Ben shakes his head. "Not really. All my doctors have said that the first treatment usually isn't that bad."

Rey nods. "And I'm picking you up at nine am right?" She clarifies. Ben nods his head before kissing her forehead. "Do I need to bring anything?" She asks. Ben smiles.

"Probably a book. It might get pretty boring."Ben says with a soft smile. 

Rey nods. 

She kisses him.

"Let's go on a date tonight. Last supper kind of thing, before everything gets ugly, sound good?" Ben says with a smile that could break every heart on the planet if they all knew what they were missing out on.

They go to her favorite restaurant this time, a little Mexican restaurant with incredible salads that have steak and cilantro ranch on them.

They kiss over and over again.

She goes back to her dorm that night and grabs one of the many reusable shopping bags she has accumulated from Trader Joes over the years. She gets online and does some research, looking for things she could bring that might help Ben. She packs the softest blanket she has, some lotion, some snacks and gum. And she brings her sketchbook. 

The next morning she pulls in front of Ben's dorm, across the campus from her own, and he's standing at the front door waiting for her. He's in all black again. A black pair of Nike joggers, with a black t shirt and hoodie. There's a baseball cap on his head, and he's got uggs on. Under different circumstances, Rey would certainly make fun of him for wearing uggs but the idea of how dumb they look on him truthfully doesnt even cross her mind.

He opens the door to her car. It's nicer than his own. And sits down carefully in the passenger seat. Rey looks up at him and smiles, forcing optimism for his sake. He looks at her and smiles back, unable to hide how truly terrified he is. He's shaking with nervousness, his hands placed in his own lap, clinching each other tightly to try and contain the shaking. As if having his hands still will draw the attention away from the way his knees are bobbing. He glances back at her backseat as she reverses out of the dorm parking lot, and laughs at the sight of her bag.

"You've come prepared." He says lovingly.

"I wanted to make sure you were comfortable." Rey says nervously.

"You're amazing." Ben says, kissing her cheek. 

She grabs his left hand with her right hand, and holds it as she drives the twenty five minutes to the cancer center at the hospital. She picks the closest parking spot she can manage, and parks, getting out of the car when she notices Ben is still sitting. Calmly. She opens his door and he looks at her, almost childlike.

"I just want to sit here, for another moment before everything is going to change as soon as I walk inside those doors." Ben says quietly. Rey nods. She squats on the pavement, Ben's car door still open, and lays her head in his lap. He plays with her hair. After a few minutes she leads him, hand in hand, holding Rey's bag of supplies, and they walk inside the hospital.

There is a pleasant looking nurse, waiting for Ben's arrival at the reception desk. He introduces himself and says his name is Finn. He leads Rey and Ben to the chemotherapy lounge. Ben thinks it's ironic that they refer to it as a lounge. The phrase so often associated with comfort, being used in what will surely be the most uncomfortable situation of his life. Rey keeps her hand tightly held onto his, as they are led to a recliner in the room. Ben sits down in it, and Rey pulls up a chair next to him. She sets down her bag, looks up and watches, as Finn gently wipes over the fresh port on Bens chest with a sanitary wipe, before he starts to set up the bags of poison, on the iv poles.

He explains the medications being used. Shows them the antinausea and assures them that they can adjust the dose at his next treatment, depending on how his body reacts and handles what's going on. Ben nods throughout Finn's speech, and says his thanks, once Finn hooks up the chemotherapy and insists that he will be back soon to check on them. 

Ben looks over at Rey, who looks at him lovingly. She's incredible, and Ben knows, that he needs her. He knows she's special. He knows there is no other girl who would be so ready to help him at a time like this. 

She pulls out the blanket for him as soon as he mentions it's getting cold. She sits with him. She holds his hand. She talks to him. She pulls out her sketchbook, and she draws him, laying there, eyes closed but not sleeping, with the ominous and large iv pole connected to him. It's rather uneventful. Soon, it's done. Finn is removing the tubes, and letting them know that sometimes the symptoms of the treatment dont surface until a few hours later. Ben nods. Rey holds his hand. 

They walk back to the car, and Rey drives them both to Ben's dorm. She walks with him, into his apartment, and up his elevator, and to his apartment door. She unlocks it for him. He leads her inside. She's never been in his apartment before.

Reys apartment is completely decorated because Rey wanted it to feel more like a home. Ben's apartment, on the contrary feels bare. The only thing on his wall, is a My Chemical Romance poster. Rey smiles at that. She knew Ben was an emo kid at heart.

Ben climbs up the ladder to his bed slowly, his movements careful and cautious. He flops down onto his bed. And then looks at Rey. 

"Are you feeling alright?" Rey asks him quietly.

Ben shakes his head. 

"Anything i can do?" Rey asks, concerned as she stands next to his bed, putting her hand on top of his. Ben pats the small space next to him on the twin sized bed, and Rey smiles at him sweetly.

"Ben, I can't stay over. It's against the rules." She says sternly.

"Just for a few minutes." Ben says tiredly. 

Rey nods. "Just a few minutes." She repeats. Then she climbs the ladder, and lays down next to Ben, careful not to jostle him too much. He puts his arm around her, and they both fall asleep.

"Rey I'm gonna throw up." Ben says suddenly at about two in the morning. 

Rey helps him from above while he makes his way quickly down the ladder, and she follows him into the bathroom, since he left the door open and all. Hes clutching the toilet seat, his face and hair covered in sweat and he's crying. She sits behind him, rubbing his back. 

"You're okay." She repeats softly, over and over again. "You're okay. You're okay." 

She brushes his sweat soaked long hair out of his eyes, and wipes his tears with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She kisses the back of his neck. He slumps against her, and she holds him. Her arms wrapped around him tight. Protectively. She tells him how much she loves him. He tells her how bad he feels. How much the vomit burns. How much his stomach hurts afterwards. She grabs him some tylenol, and holds him a while longer on the bathroom floor. 

Then she returns to her apartment. Because sleeping over is against the rules without written consent from Bens roommates a day in advance, and Rey doesn't have that paperwork but she will be sure to get it before his next session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its not like you can venmo me or anything even though im a broke ass college kid who is too addicted to dinosaur chicken nuggies for my bank account to keep up.
> 
> So forget supporting my physical hunger, and feed my soul by leaving a comment?


	2. The Middle

Rey, being ever obedient, doesn't sleep over at Ben's dorm that night, but is quick to go back over to his dorm in the morning as soon as Ben texts her saying he is awake. She gets there and finds him asleep on the couch, because apparently it was easier to sleep there than to keep climbing up and down the ladder every time he needed to throw up. Rey makes a mental note to ask Hux, Ben's roommate, to help lower his bed so that things are easier.

Rey sits down at the kitchen table and pulls out her sketchbook, drawing Ben, who lays in just his boxers, curled into the fetal position, hair stuck to his face from the dried sweat. His hands, curled around his abdomen. Once she's finished drawing, she sets her sketchbook back into her backpack, and sits on the empty space of the couch next to Ben. 

He wakes up at the movement of the couch, looks up at Rey and smiles.

"How are you feeling?" Rey asks him quietly.

"Not that bad." Ben responds. "I thought it would be worse." 

Rey smiles at him. "Your breath wreaks." 

Ben smiles, and gets off the couch heading to the bathroom for his toothbrush. "Love you too." He laughs.

"Lets go do something fun today?" Rey suggests, from her position on the couch.

"What are your ideas?" Ben asks. Rey shrugs before realizing that Ben can't see her shrug through the bathroom wall. Chemotherapy hasn't in fact given him laser vision.

"We could go for a walk?" Rey suggests.

Ben appears from the bathroom. "We could. We could also go into the city and maybe check out the aquarium, or a museum?" Ben adds.

"Let's go." Rey nods. "I'll come pick you up in a half hour, after I change my clothes, and do something presentable with my hair."

Ben smiles, and kisses her before she heads out the door. He goes back into his room, looking through his mostly black with the occasional tone of grey closet, and grabs a soft black t shirt, with a denim jacket and a pair of skinny jeans. He brushes through his hair, puts in a bit of pomade to smooth down the fly aways. He grabs a black and grey plaid wool scarf, and his cellphone and heads oh the door, taking the nice chilly walk across campus to Rey's dorm. 

Rey meets Ben in the dorm lobby, and they wait for the bus, which takes them into the city, and to the local Art Institutes museum. It's huge, with green toned copper lions adorning the stairs. The walk up the many steps, and into the large glass and metal doors, and to the ticketing booth inside, where they turn in their coats and pay the fifteen dollars to get into the exhibit. 

They walk down the stairs, Rey knows there's a sculpture down there that will make Ben lose his shit. She leads him through the sculpture corridors, and to a small room.

"Close your eyes. You'll love this." Rey says softly. Ben closes his eyes and Rey grabs his hand leading him into a large room filled with random portraits. In the middle of the room, is a small marble statue. It's the small model of the Lincoln Memorial statue. Rey leads him right in front of it. "Open your eyes." 

"Holy shit." Ben says. His smile fills his entire face. "Is that…" 

"So when sculptors do big projects they make a smaller one first out of the final material, so they can make sure all the proportions are perfect. So this is the real model from the memorial." Rey explains.

Ben smiles. He loves hearing her talk about art. 

He touches Lincoln's foot. 

Then, they go upstairs to the modern contemporary section. Rey shows Ben her favorite piece, a portrait done by Andy Warhol, of Pat Hearn. It's a stunning piece. She could stare at it for hours. 

They go check out one of Van Gogh's self portraits. It's one of his more famous works and it's smaller than either of them expect it to be, while A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, which is the dot one with all the people overlooking a lake, is absolutely huge. It takes up the entire wall of the gallery.

"Get close to it." Rey advises.

Ben does as he's told.

"Guess how many dots there are." She says excitedly.

"Like a million?" Ben says with a soft, unknowing smile. 

Rey doesn't look at him. She looks at the painting in awe. "6.4 million." She says, with pride. He looks at her. Really looks at her. He looks at the love she has for all the pieces in the museum, even the ones she does not necessarily understand. He watches as she observes each brush stroke, abd points out to him, what kinds brushes the artists would have used, and how the artists would be controlling their brushes in order to make specific strokes.

Standing in that museum is when Ben knows he loves her. It's when he knows that he has to beat this disease, because he wants to be around her for a very long time.

The following weekend, Rey has all the forms filled out to spend Friday and Saturday night with Ben. She picks him up Friday morning, the same time as before, and smiles at him, holding his hand once again as they drive to the hospital.

His treatments are more eventful after that point.

His doctors have him on incredibly high doses of chemotherapy trying to obliterate the stage four stomach cancer, and they make Ben feel like absolute shit.

Within fifteen minutes of his second treatment, Ben is leaning over the pink kidney shaped bowl provided by the hospital, dry heaving and crying. Rey is rubbing his back, and has put his hair up into a bun with the bright yellow scrunchie she had been wearing on her wrist. After that, Ben falls asleep. The vomiting is made all the more unbearable by the painful ulcers that cover the inside of his mouth. Rey has her chair scooted as close as possible, her head resting on his chest. Their hands holding one another. 

By his third treatment his doctors are starting to monitor his kidneys. The treatment has a habit of damaging them and his doctors say that based on how swollen and painful Ben's hands and feet are, his kidneys have been affected. His face is starting to swell up too, but his doctors say that's because of the steroids he's being given in combination with the chemotherapy. High doses of Prednisone. He's retaining water. He looks sick now. 

Rey drives him back to her own apartment after the third treatment. Her bed is bigger, and closer to the ground, so she has her roommates just constantly signing the sleepover forms so that he can stay there. The third treatment leaves him so tired that Rey is helping him walk inside, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist as he puts most of his weight on her. Hes exhausted. They ride the elevator up to her apartment, and she helps him into her bed.

He's asleep within five minutes before Rey has even returned from a quick trip to the bathroom. 

School starts getting more and more difficult for Ben. His symptoms usually last between treatments. He's tired all the time, and has gotten to the point of falling asleep during his history lectures every now and then. Hes nauseous all the time. And it's during English class, when he's sitting right in front of Rey, that he runs his fingers through his hair, and it starts to fall out. He doesn't make a scene. No one else even notices. He just sits there, the rest of class staring at the hairs between his fingertips, rolling them. Rey gets up once class is over, and that's when she sees it. She kisses his forehead. He gives her a solemn nod in response.

He stands up from his desk, still silent. Rey cups his face with her hand.

"Ben please talk to me." Rey says quietly.

"Just let me be alone please." Ben says quietly. Rey can tell he's ready to cry.

"Not right now Ben." Rey says quietly. She hugs him tightly, wrapping her arms around him and staying there, long after he has wrapped his own large arms around her.He buries his face into her neck, smelling her sweet hairspray scent. He wants to cry. He cant cry here. Not at school.

That night Ben recruites Hux to shave his hair into a Mohawk. He hasn't the slightest idea on how he is going to style it, he doesn't own a flat iron, contrary to popular belief, and he also isn't sure how long the hair he has left on his head is going to stay. But it's funny for a moment. He's sure it will make Rey laugh and he does a lot of things in the name of making her happy.

Ben spends significant time that next morning before his chemotherapy session figuring out how to style the Mohawk. As it turns out the guys in the apartment across the hall have a flat iron that they are willing to donate to his cause. They help him spray it up with hair spray, and flat iron the pieces so that they stick straight up. They lose a couple of clumps of his fragile hair in the process.

Rey laughs hysterically as soon as she sees him. 

"I like it." She says, getting on her tiptoes to kiss his lips.

Ben wraps his large hands at the base of her spine and kisses her a moment longer before they get into her car. 

Bens doctors start off his treatment by explaining that his cancer isn't responding nearly as much as it should be based on the treatments Ben is being given. They explain that some of his tumors are still growing despite the intense chemotherapy regimen. They talk options. They discuss the idea of combining the chemotherapy with radiation treatments afterwards. They say the combination of radiation and chemotherapy has a high success rate. Ben nods, agreeing to the sure torture.

He goes into Chemo that day knowing that afterwards he is headed for several hours of radiation. The idea terrifies Ben. Especially knowing that radiation is a torture he has to endure alone. Rey can't come in with him. All she can do is watch from a window next to the nurses. 

She stays though. She sits in the room. She doesn't get distracted by a book, or her phone she just watches him. Telling him she loves him every so often. There's a microphone in the room Rey is in, and she uses it to talk to him. To tell him stories.

"When I was little, I was absolutely obsessed with Toy Story." Rey says smiling. "All the other girls in the foster homes growing up were all about barbie dolls and polly pockets, but I had a Woody and Buzz doll that I made sure to take with me from home to home." Rey says. Ben smiles.

"One of the homes I ended up at, during high school, was in a bit more of a rural community, and I remember walking out to My bus for school one day, and seeing a brand new baby kitten in the driveway. I skipped school that day and nurses the kitten back to health. It was the only time I ever skipped." Rey says, trying to fill the void of silence and the noises of the machines.

Rey draws him then too. Laying on the cold metal table, lying perfectly still, in a thin hospital gown, while the machine hovers over his abdomen. She draws his swollen feet, hands and face.

Ben doesn't anticipate how tired he will be after the radiation treatment. It leaves him completely depleted. He ends up using a wheelchair for the first few days every time. 

After about two months, once spring has rolled around, and Ben's hair has completely fallen out, everywhere, Ben becomes dependant on the wheelchair with the exception of short walks from his bed, or Rey's bed, to the bathroom.

Things get worse before they get better.

The worst, is after a chemotherapy treatment during spring break, when Rey is driving them both back to her apartment, and they're on the freeway, when Ben begs her to pull over. He starts throwing up copious amounts of blood on the side of the highway. Rey gets out of the car, running around to Ben who has his hands shakily on his knees as he stands weakly, the blood not stopping. 

"Ben we need to get you back to the hospital." Rey says quietly. Ben nods, blood dribbling out of his nose and mouth. Rey walks Ben back to her car, helping him sit down slowly, before quickly getting into the car, taking the next exit and calling an ambulance after Ben keeps throwing up blood, all over her car. The paramedics arrive quickly, and they load Ben into the ambulance, quickly speeding away, as Rey follows in her blood soaked car. She parks it in the closest spot to the Emergancy entrance, and once inside the hospital she is directed to the waiting room on account of the fact that shes not his family and therefore cant go with him apparently.

So, Rey grabs Bens phone, that he had left in her car, and she calls his dad. He answers on the first ring.

"Hello?" A deep gravely voice asks.

"Hello. Is this Han?" Rey asks cautiously.

"This is. May I ask whos speaking?" Han asks.

"My.. My names Rey. Im dating your son." Rey says quietly.

"Is something wrong?" Han asks.

"Ben had a really bad reaction to treatment, and hes in the ICU." Rey says matter of fact.

"Treatment? For what?" Han asks.

And that's when Rey realises that Ben didn't actually tell his parents he has cancer. And now, shes in a position where they are going to hear about it from her, while he is bleeding out in the ICU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, my mortal success is depebdant on comments and im here to fish for them. God bless and may the dinosaur chicken nuggets go on sale at a store near you.


	3. The End

Rey has to beg Han over the phone not to come to the hospital right then and there. It turns out he's a pilot, which Ben had failed to mention, so he's all but ready to hop into a plane and be at his sons side within a couple of hours, but Rey insists that doing so would not be the right thing to do. She promises Han that Ben is okay. Explains that the cancer isn't terminal. That shes taking care of him. That she will call and give him updates, and that she will make sure that he is able to see Ben face to face within a week or two. 

"He's receiving treatment for cancer." Rey explains gently. "Stomach cancer."

"And he didn't think to tell me?" Han asks, bewildered.

"Listen, he told me he had told you. I thought you knew. I wouldmt have called if I didn't think you knew what was going on, because it wasn't my right to tell you." Rey explains. "I am so sorry that you had to hear about all of this from me."

"I'm glad you told me Rey." Han says with a tired deep breath. "What happened with him tonight?" Han asks.

"Honestly I don't know. One minute he was fine and I was driving him back to my apartment after gis chemotherapy treatment, and he made me pull over on the freeway because he just started throwing up so much blood. There was so much blood. And I called an ambulance, and bow the doctors won't tell me what's happening because we aren't related, and i don't know what to do." Rey rambles.

"Are you okay?" Han asks, genuinely concerned. 

"Yeah. Im fine. Im okay. It was scary but I'm okay. But how am i supposed to help him?" Rey asks. "I feel so useless."

"Just be with him Rey." Han says gently.

"I told you, they wont let me see him until he's awake." Rey interjects.

"Be with him. Just stay there until you can be with him. He needs you more than anything else. I can feel that." Han says wisely.

The next morning, when Ben wakes up, he is in a lot of pain. Hes tired. His stomach hurts. He's on oxygen. There are at least twice as many tubes and wires going into him as he's used to having. His whole body hurts. And Reys not there. The burses tell him shes been asleep in the waiting room, and he asks then to go and get her. They do. 

She's scared to see him. She's terrified it will be the last time she will ever see him, and if shes being honest based on the last time she had seen him, throwing up blood as he was loaded onto an ambulance, Rey didn't expect him to make it through the night. So having the nurse invite her to come up and see him comes as a sweet relief. It means he's at least somewhat okay.

Rey enters his room, and sees him and it's the first time she really cries in front of him. The hospital makes her wear what looks like a yellow hazmat suit, and a mask to make sure she can't possibly infect Ben with anything that his immune system can't handle. By the way, his immune system literally can't handle anything.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Rey says quietly. Ben looks at her sadly. 

"You're my girl." He says quietly. "I'll never leave you." At this point there are tears streaming down Rey's face. Ben scoots over in his bed, and Rey takes the invitation to lay down next to him. She wraps her arms across his chest and lays her head on him. 

"I was so scared." Rey says softly.

"You did exactly what you were supposed to do Rey. I love you and im so sorry that i put you through all that last night." Ben says, wiping Rey's tear away with his calloused thumb. 

"Are you okay?" Rey asks, childlike. Ben nods, kissing the top of her head.

"All the extra wires are kind of scary to see huh?" Ben asks with a sad smile. Rey nods. 

"I'm going to be okay Rey. I promise." Ben says softly. He kisses her forehead over and over again.

"I called your dad last night." Rey says quietly. "I thought you were going to die. So I called him because I felt like he should know."

"Oh." Ben says softly. He knows where this is going. He knows that she knows.

"Are you mad?" Rey asks.

"No. Of course not. I should have told him what was going on. I'm sorry for lying to you." Ben says quietly. 

"I'm not mad at you Ben. I just wish you would tell me what's going on." Rey says gently.

"I've never felt like i was enough for him." Ben says softly.

"He wants to come see you." Rey says quietly. Ben nods.

"That's okay too." Ben says quietly. "I should have let him come sooner. He had the right to know what was happening." 

"Why didn't you want to tell him?" Rey asks.

"I didn't want them to know anything else was wrong with me." Ben says honestly.

"What do you mean?" Rey asks.

"I've always felt like the worlds biggest disappointment to my parents. Like a failure. Like I've never been good enough and I guess I felt like if they knew I was sick they'd think I had completely failed at life." Ben says softly.

"They'd think you were a failure because you got cancer?" Rey clarifies. 

Ben shrugs.

"We don't have to have him over if it wouldn't make you happy." Rey suggests.

"Maybe we can just go grab breakfast with him." Ben says softly. The feeling of the oxygen mask tickles his face.

"Are you feeling better?" Rey asks softly.

"I'm okay." Ben says softly.

"Promise?" Rey asks. 

Ben shakes his head. "Honestly I don't feel that great." Ben says quietly. "I hurt pretty bad, Rey." 

"You can always be honest with me Ben. I'm not going to think any less of you just because you're in pain." Rey says softly.

"Rey… I know you're different. I know you're not like them, but sometimes I just get worried that you'll get tired of all this." Ben says, gesturing at his face.

"I dont know how to help you Ben. I feel so worthless in all of this. Like all i can do is stand back and watch you suffer." Rey says quietly.

"Rey dont say that. You help me more than you could ever understand. I love you and I need you." Ben says, before kissing her, the plastic tubing of his nasal oxygen tube tickling her lip.

"I love you Ben. I loved you before you got sick and it hasn't changed. Ben, I am in awe of you. You're strong. You're brave. You can do this, and im not letting you do it alone. You're stuck with me." Rey says with a sweet smile.

"I'd gladly be stuck with you for a very very long time Rey." Ben smiles.

"Can I ask you something?" Rey asks. 

Ben nods.

"What's the deal with your mom?" Rey presses.

"She walked out on me and my dad for a political opportunity overseas when I was little. I've never really known her. I don't really want to know her." Ben admits.

As it turned out, Bens kidneys hadn't been functioning properly, and all the steroids were starting to build up in his system, causing a near overdose. His doctors take him off the steroids. And nothing else really changes for a while. 

Ben and Rey meet up with Han Solo at a diner two and a half weeks later. It's a Tuesday, a little after ten in the morning, the week before Rey starts working on her final art projects for the semester. 

Ben and Rey walk in to find Han already seated at a booth. He looks a little different than Rey had expected him to. His hair is a salted grey color, and it's slightly overgrown. He has a beard, and wears a white button up shirt, with a black vest and a pair of leather combat boots. 

He doesn't recognize Ben when they walk in, Rey pushing him in a wheelchair, but that's nothing personal. Few people would see him and recognize him at this point. He's lost a lot of weight. Not that he had much to begin with, but it's all gone. All the muscle mass too. His face is sunken in. There are blisters all over his burnt chest from the radiation. His hair is completely gone, even his eyebrows and eyelashes. (And his pubic hair too in case you're curious) His skin has a slightly grey tinge, and his lips are always chapped.

They take a seat at the booth with Han, and he looks up at them, surprised at first, and then almost heartbroken at the sight of Ben.

"Hey son." Han says, smiling, all of the wrinkles in his face accentuated. He goes to shake Ben's hand. Ben hugs him so tight that Rey knows the blisters from his radiation must be hurting, but she also knows full well that Ben doesn't care.

"Hi dad." Ben says, before taking a seat on the booth chair, right next to Rey, leaving his father sitting alone opposite them.

"Are you okay?" Han asks Ben quietly, Not before even hinting at the concept of his cancer.

"Yeah." Ben says. "I'm okay." He lies.

Han Solo nods. He's trying to believe what his son has just told him, and ignore the obvious signs that he isn't telling the truth.

"Dad, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you." Ben says with a deep breath.

"No Ben, im sorry. I'm so sorry that I let things get so bad between us that you felt like you couldn't tell me." Han says, a stray tear coming from his left eye. 

Ben orders French toast with fresh raspberries on them. He eats two bites and gives the rest to Rey. Han eats Pancakes, with butter and maple syrup, two slices of bacon and sausage, and eggs. He eats all of it himself. Rey figures Ben could do that too under normal circumstances.

"Are you going to introduce me to your girl?" Han asks with a side smile. Ben laughs.

"This is Rey." Ben says with a proud smile.

Rey shakes Hans hand.

"How did y'all meet?" Han asks.

"In her art class." Ben says quickly and honestly.

"I didn't know you did art Ben." Han says confused.

"I don't… I was a model." Ben defends.

"A nude model." Rey says with a giggle.

"That's my boy." Han says with a laugh, giving Ben knuckles.

After breakfast, Han hugs both of them and then he leaves, to return home, trusting not only that Ben will get better but also that Rey will take care of him and stand by his side every step of the way. He trusts her.

Rey and Ben go back to her apartment, where they spend a lot of time studying. Ben is in his last semester of the associates program, and once he has his degree he can start substitute teaching. He spends a lot of time, whenever he's awake and even during his treatments, studying for his finals, and writing essay after essay for their English class. He's going to graduate. But more importantly, he's going to live.

Rey spends her time working on her final projects for her art classes. Art finals are different from the others in college. There are no real tests. What are they gonna do? Test you on the straightness of a line you draw? They don't. Instead, each class has a project for the students to work on for the weeks leading up to the final, and most of the grades in those classes are dependant on the grade of that project. 

The semester ends, it's May, and she and Ben go to her final art exhibit for her figure drawing class. He's getting better. His tumors are responding to chemotherapy, and are continually shrinking. He's less tired. Less nauseous. He feels more like himself. He's gained some weight back. His cheeks are less sunken in and his skin is a much more lively color. Ben is able to walk around, and Rey leads him to her piece excitedly. It's a large piece, over six feet talk. It's a life sized portrait of Ben. Standing tall and straight. It's divided down the middle, on the left, Ben is depicted as he was at the beginning of the semester, strong, muscular, with hair. And on the left he is as he was a couple months before, when he was at his worst. Emaciated, bald, and sick. The piece is titled Strength, and in front of it, Rey has her sketchbook on display. 

Ben looks at her, honored.

"Can I look through it?" He asks, curious and touched.

"Of course." Rey smiles.

Ben opens the book, and sees himself. He sees himself on the first day of Rey's figure drawing class. And the week after that. He sees a drawing of himself on his first day of chemotherapy, and many days of chemotherapy after that. There's a drawing of him sleeping on his sofa. Another of him sleeping on the bathroom floor, hand reaching towards the toilet. There's a drawing from when he was in the icu, and a caricature cartoon of him and his dad at breakfast. He looks at the sketches and observes the changes of his body. He watches his muscle mass melt away. Watches his hair fall out progressively. Hes reminded of so many memories, of shaving his hair into the Mohawk, of going to the art exhibit with Rey. 

An artist's statement explains the heart of a piece of art to the viewer. Ben smiles as he reads the piece of paper framed by Reys display. 

"This piece is titled Strength. This semester I have had the incredible opportunity to fall in love with the strongest person I have ever met.

I met Ben at the beginning of the semester when he was a model for my figure drawing class. We fell in love, hard and fast. His body was magnificent, and I remember thinking how honored even Michalangelo would have been to be able to look upon it. And then, Ben got sick. I'm a way, i used my sketchbook as a coping mechanism. As if drawing the things in front of me would give me time to process what was happening to the love of my life.

My piece consists of two works. One, a life sized portrait of Ben, as he was, and is. Showing the effect that illness took upon his body. It completely withered away his body. 

The second piece is my sketchbook that I took everywhere with me throughout the journey I had the chance to experience with Ben. This is where you get to know Ben. He's more than the changes of his body as depicted in my larger piece. Ben is incredible. He is brave and he is strong. He cares about others. He wants to do what's right. He's loving. Hes tough, and he's alive. And i love him. I love him more tban I have ever loved any one thing in my life.

I think sometimes people take for granted, the numbered days we have on this planet with the people we love. But i dont take days for granted anymore. 

Ben, i love you. I'm proud of you. 

Life is Tough, but so are you."

Luke approaches them at the end of the night, flipping through Rey's sketchbook.

"These are incredible Rey. You should be very proud of yourself." Luke says.

"Oh. Those are just Sketches." Rey says with a smile. She doesn't think she could ever be as proud of anyone as she is of Ben, and he thinks the same, that he could never love anyone anywhere near as much as he loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it kids. Hope you liked it. Feel free to leave all the comments, to your hearts content. 
> 
> Dino nuggies to all. 
> 
> Merry Christmas.


	4. Sequel Posted!

Read the new sequel to Sketches, Masterpiece online now!


	5. Chapter 5

Hey! So I'm in college, and I've written an actual book. Like paper. Physical copy book. I have lived writing on Ao3, and I owe the world to my people here who have read the things I have written. It means the world.

Check out my book:   
https://www.blurb.com/b/10367532-sicker


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